BPD Email Volunteers

Disclaimer

Self-help is useful, but it is not a substitute for professional assistance. Emotional and behavioral problems can be debilitating and dangerous. Please seek professional help: 

if you have thoughts of killing yourself or harming others;
if you feel depressed, anxious, guilty or down on yourself frequently; if you are abusing substances; if your performance or interpersonal relationships are impaired.

"Our purpose is to give information.. We can not, and are not, assuming the role of your physician or therapist in any of our replies. 

We also do not know your other medical problems and psychiatric diagnoses, which usually have a dramatic effect on medication (and other treatment) recommendations. You must make a medical and treatment plan with your physician and therapist(s).

Volunteers

Feel free to write any of the volunteers below.

1)  my name is angi and i have had bpd for 11+ yrs. this illness has affected both my life, my family's and my friends. this illness has been very tough but i have survived with my faith and with the help of my support system. i live in iowa and i am adopted. my family didn't realize how sick i really was until i was 14 and was properly diagnosed at a group home for violent kids. i now live in my own apartment with my cat, it has been a long haul for me but i have successfully lived in this apt for over a year. it will be a struggle for me but i keep plugging along. i will try to answer all of the questions the best i can and will try to help you the best i know how. i am currently in college to become a therapist and specialize in bpd. i can answer questions from a bpd consumer and their family. i hope that i can be helpful to you and your family.  my e-mail is : angi_dk@yahoo.com

2)  I am 21. I had the opportunity about a year to get help because of my endless jobs and inherent suicidal tendencies. My mom said take all the time i need. (I think I explained all this in the first article I wrote). I have had a fortunate experience because I didn't have to work and i dedicated each day to getting better. I learned a lot about myself and having bpd in the meantime. I still deal with the paranoia and fear of abandonment sometimes, but i am aware enough of it to acknowledge it and attempt to shift my thinking. I know I am a bit young, but i am sure we both can be resourceful enough to use it as an opportunity. 
Shauna; Email:  quasimedale@yahoo.com 

3)  I am the mother of two sons, 17 and 12. I am married. I have been  "diagnosed" with BPD, PTSD and chronic depression for over 14 years. I was  physically, sexually, emotionally, psychologically abused and assaulted for  most of my life, from age three to about five years ago. I have been in therapy for 17 years and through this all have seen the roller coaster ride of BPD, etc come up and go down. I know that if a person has a mustard seed of hope that life can be better and keeps that in their heart, they will be able to hang on through the toughest times. I am a self-injurer, through cutting and emotionally beating up on myself. I am not cured of that part of me, but I am working on it. I am not perfect, I haven't got all the answers to all the questions you might have. But I am a good listener, I answer people honestly and if I don't know the answer we will find it  together. I believe a person's strongest point is in helping themselves with the help of others. You know what is best for you. YOU make the healthiest choice possible for you in all situations and at all times. If you can't, then you call for help. I am just an e-mail away jeri_47@hotmail.com 

4)  I am 41 years old, married 21 years, with three children- 16 yr old daughter, 13 yr old daughter and 9 yr old son. I am a Christian and have relied heavily on my faith to get me through this dark period of my life. God has been faithful and although I still find myself struggling at times, I know he is there to guide me. 

I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago. The diagnosis was not made known to me until just recently when I was committed to the state hospital with severe clinical depression. In the past two years I have been hospitalized five times in two separate private psychiatric hospitals, and the emphasis was always placed on my depression. The last hospitalization, a psychologist sat me down and very frankly discussed the diagnosis of BPD with me- telling me that I would never be able to overcome the symptoms, would have a very difficult time finding a doctor willing to work with me due to the obnoxious nature of the symptoms, and that the time I spent in the hospital was to be thought of as a much needed time for my family away from me since I was, as a borderline, so difficult to be around. 

I should have been devastated by all of this information that was thrust at me all at once- but during the first two hospitalizations was taught a technique called Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy which taught me to take statements such as these and change the negative reaction to a positive one. While this doctor was talking I was thinking about how the information explained why I could not stop the cycling in and out of the hospital. No one ever told me what this diagnosis meant and about the symptoms it presented- that was the missing piece of the puzzle! All this time the doctors have been discharging me only "two-thirds of the way done." Now that I was aware of the challenges this diagnosis brings, I had a chance to deal with them more effectively. THANK GOODNESS I did NOT choose to believe that pdoc. 

In reading all the books that I could get my hands on and finding this site, I have learned that this is an illness that CAN be overcome. I would like to help you by answering any questions you may have about this disease. My e-mail address is: phil4-13@netdoor.com 

9) My name is Karen, I am 31 years of age and I have been diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar.  I have 4 wonderful children and a husband that is just fantastic.  My life has been a real roller coaster ride from the age of 16 when I started to act out.  I have tried to commit suicide on a few occasions and have been hospitalized on a number of occasions also in the Dandenong Psych Ward in Australia. 
 
I have seen many many doctors and therapists and finally found the right one for me.  I can now laugh at some of the things I have been through and I can also see the pressure I put on my family and friends.  I live on a farm of 20 acres and I run a Quarter Horse Stud.  My children are 9 yrs, 7 yrs, and twin boys 6 yrs.  I am a busy mum but now days I just love life to the fullest.  2 years ago I could hardly walk out of my door at home, now I am actively involved in my children's schooling teaching computers and taking reading and spelling sessions.  I also attend meeting for my husbands business in the city if things need to be sorted out.  I run the BAS statements and due the Tax at end of the financial year.  I show my horses every weekend and have achieved remarkable results in doing this.  I now have a State Champion Filly on my hands, bummer hey?
 
I am very open about my illness and have found that people accept me anyway through doing this.  If they don't understand it then I have come to the realization that is their problem.  I take medication every day and big deal I say, I am now a better person.  I still have ups and downs but I think that is pretty normal for anyone. indigo10@bigpond.com

10)  My name is Jennifer.  I am 36 years old.  I'll be 37 in November.  That is a new concept for me- thinking in terms of the future.  I never thought I'd survive life this long.  That is because  I have suffered severe, debilitating depression since I was 14 and Borderline Personality Disorder became pronounced when I turned 17 and went off to university.  I have been treated by many many different doctors in both the public and private sectors.  Two years ago, I finally began REAL recovery with the help of a great doctor, proper medication, therapy and the discovery of the BPD website.

Although from a wealthy family and very well-educated, until now I had not met with the life successes that had always been expected of me from family, peers and teachers.  Crippled with depression, I was unable to finish my final year of an ivy-league education.  I have changed jobs many many times.    I have overspent, drank myself senseless, smoked pot, got married twice and divorced, and suffered.

I was raised in a totally dysfunctional family.  I was mentally, physically and sexually abused by my alcoholic father, and my mother was a co-dependant enabler and needed me to be an adult from the time I was two years old.   

When I went off to university, my entire world fell apart.  I had NO IDEA what to do without my the role that I had played at home.  I had no idea who I was if not the only adult in my family.  I missed hundreds of classes, made up excuses to get extensions on late work and was generally miserable.  I became promiscuous and had a number of extremely tumultuous relationships.  I sought help from the school psychiatrist but didn't get what I needed.  Unable to stand my own life, I got married my junior year.  We didn't last a year.   I was a total emotional wreck and suicidal.  After my divorce, I worked as a waitress at a place that let me come and go as I pleased.  I wasn't able to manage a structured schedule and get a professional job.  

Several years of shame later, I met another man and got remarried.  I lived his life for five years and was treated by numerous psychiatrists with no success.  I attempted suicide three times.  I left him before he could leave me and checked into my second mental hospital- not a private one- but state-funded.  It was scary and horrible, but I needed help desperately.  I got stabilized on some medication, got released after two weeks and filed for divorce, hoping I could "get my life together by myself".  

But my craving for affection and lack of therapy led me to more stormy relationships.  Without insurance, I had to go to the MHMR system.  Since I wasn't responsible to myself, I would run out of medication and then relapse so severely that I couldn't even make an appointment to see a doctor to get more.  I was in a hell that I couldn't seem to get out of.  

Finally, in yet another bad relationship, drinking heavily and absolutely miserable, I searched the internet for something that would offer me hope that I could live a somewhat normal and productive life.  I found the BPD website.  It was my salvation.  I sobered myself up, got up out of bed the next morning and called the MHMR begging for the next available appointment.  

I managed to survive the three days that I had to wait.  I saw my doctor and told him that I thought I had BPD.  We discussed the characteristics of the disease and found that I had all but one of them.  Indeed, I was a true borderline personality.  THAT WAS THE DAY THAT RECOVERY BEGAN.

It took about six months to adjust and change medications to find a "cocktail" that began to work for me.  Even though I didn't feel "good", I was so much better than before that I was able to keep trying.  As I became more functional, I landed a professional, well-paying job.  With the help of an understanding therapist, I was able to leave a lousy three year relationship- and STAY OUT of another one!

It has been two years now.  I go to work every day, I filed income tax- and on time, I make all of my doctor appointments- and have good insurance now.  I have a nice car, get out of bed on the weekends and I'm fixing up my apartment the way I want it with no thoughts of desperately needing a man in my life to validate my existence.

It isn't easy though.  I have bad days.  I can be very lonely sometimes. When you live 34 years in near total solitude because you won't spend time cultivating female friends because you spend so much time working on bad relationships with men, it takes time to build friendships and let women get close to you.  But I am not suicidal or self-destructive anymore, and each and everyday I must be responsible and take my medication and take care of me without hoping that someone will come into my life and "fix" it.  

If living is so difficult that it's killing you or someone that you know, feel free to email me for support.  I have suffered and I have survived and I'm hanging in there.  I can offer hope, understanding, support, suggestions and advice but not pity.  And I'm very happy to be there for anyone who needs those things.  I know that I was not able to begin my own recovery until I found someone else who could understand my life- not because she had experienced exactly the same things, but because she had suffered from mental illness and was willing to share how she felt and how she has been working to recover.  I'm not recovered, but I am in recovery- everyday.  None of us gets well, but the suffering CAN and WILL stop.  Helping you or your loved ones will help me continue my recovery, so I really appreciate the opportunity to try to help you in any way that I can. HappyToHelpYou@aol.com  

12)  My name is Tanya Nelson, I am almost 31 years old, and live in NW Arkansas. 

Bipolar disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder nearly killed me and it did completely destroy my first marriage to a really good man. He finally just couldn't take it anymore. I jumped right into another marriage that bombed and am now in my 3rd marriage and thanks to a great psychiatrist and counseling and a deep love for my husband, so far it couldn't be better.

I have fought depression on and off since I was in the 8th grade. My dad was bipolar and I knew I didn't want to be "crazy" like he acted sometimes..... I thought I could control my own emotions and the highs and lows..... WRONG!! 

I went on a really manic episode in 1997 that lasted for quite some time and did everything I knew I shouldn't do... but I didn't care either. I was finally ready to just kill myself and get it over with, but I figured since I couldn't do anything else right I would foul that up too. So instead I drug myself to my family doctor and the minute he walked in the room I broke......... He has suffered depression himself and he immediately got me to a psychiatrist. After several sessions and tests they decided I was definitely Borderline Personality as well as Bipolar. 

Well I sure didn't want to be labeled "crazy" so I hid it all the best I could until one day I just decided that hey........ I'm o.k. too I just happen to have brain disorders instead of disorders elsewhere in my body. 

I ordered every book I could get on BP and BPD and I've studied tremendous amounts of writings on these issues. I now take my medication religiously, I see my therapist or psychiatrist regularly for checkups and I've gotten my certification to teach aerobics which has probably helped as much as anything to get out there and make myself exercise....... wow how that helps.
nelson6@madisoncounty.net