Ask the Therapist
Problem with Mother
Recently, my mom and I reconciled after years of her abandoning me. She had me when she was 16. I thought we would have this loving mother/daughter relationship, finally. She had been coming to my house but telling her husband that she is going to spend the night and she doesn't. I felt kind of angry and used by this. I asked her if she were having an affair to please not use me as an excuse. It was none of my business, but I just wanted to let her know that. I had put it in an e-mail. My aunt told me she had been talking to someone. When she read this e-mail, she flew off the handle. She called my aunt cussing her out, called me at work several times and then my cell phone several times after she could not get a hold of me. I had to take the phone outside. She was so angry telling me that I was a stupid b*tch and that how can I let my imagination run wild. She started e-mailing me ugly things, saying that I was a horrible mother and that I could never be the mother she is. She has 5 kids and did not raise any of them. I have one step daughter who I have had for four years and I love her very much. She called all members of my family trying to bad mouth me and turn us all against each other. She told me that I was fat, worthless and how can I live with myself. I was so angry that I e-mailed her back telling her that she was never there for me and I sure the heck don't need her now. She's called my family telling them to tell me this and that, trying to manipulate me. I had to file a police report on her. Then she says she has an investigator after me from our police dept. My cousins dad is the chief of police and he said she was lying and not to worry about anything. She is calling all my family lying to them and they don't believe her of course. Her anger gets so out of hand that it is unbelievable. She does not get her way she starts making trouble for everyone. She has called child protective services on my sisters because they made her mad. She has called the police on them and you name it she's done it. I am so angry with her about all this, that I have completely cut off our relationship and never want to see her again. She is unstable and insane. My dad said that when she was young that she use to have this personality called "Etha". That really scares me. I see the anger in her and I see it in all of us. We all have that same anger deep down inside. My mother likes to manipulate us into using it so she can call whoever to complain. I'm scared for myself and my brother and sisters. I don't want to end up like her. What is wrong with her?
What you are describing is irrational behavior. Where it comes from, I haven't the slightest idea. What's wrong with her, there's no way for me to tell.
The best thing for you to do is look out for yourself and your siblings and protect yourself from her antics. She abandoned you all at one time and it's clear that she is still reluctant to take responsibility for her relationship with any of you. Tigers have stripes. She rejected you (possibly out of service to her own needs) then and she's doing to (apparently) again. You can't control any of that, so don't try.
