Ask the Therapist
Cutting Girlfriend's Clothes
I recently discovered that my 33 year old son is cutting up his girlfriends clothes and tells her he can't stop himself. Can you give direction on what we might do or what disorder this falls under? He is a recovering drug addict, has been through 2 treatment centers--the most recent two years ago--. While he has two parents who loved him during childhood, we were both emotionally unavailable in some ways and very present in others.
This is a case of displaced rage. It is not a behavior that necessarily falls under a diagnostic category, although if your son has a history of similar rageful behavior, firesetting, animal abuse, etc. it might point to a profile reminiscent of Anti-social Personality Disorder -- I said might.
Anger is expressed in several different forms. It can be passive, like not paying your bills or failing to return a telephone call; it can be non-specific, like trashing a room; it can be non-specific and symbolic, like clothes cutting; and it can be specific, like hitting another person or animal.
Your son need to do 2 things...(1) find the root of the anger, and (2) learn to express it appropriately. He is rageful at his girlfriend or what she represents to him subconsciously. The behavior itself is controlling, invasive and points to boundary concerns that may, and I repeat that this is only a potential and it is based in many factors, not one behavior, escalate into direct violence against either the girlfriend or generalize to other women.
