My name is DD1032 and I am a 34 year old female.

I feel that I have a plethora of knowledge that might help those who started out where I begin over two years ago when I was finally diagnosed with BPD. I also have been in a relationship for about two years with someone who is a High-functioning Borderline. 

I am a 34 year old female living in TN. who came from an invalidating family filled with physical and mental abuse. I believe that my mother and father both had BPD traits. I also have a family history of mental disorders such as bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. I have always known that something wasn't right with me, but over time I learned yet another survival technique called denial. Some researchers call it High-functioning or acting out. I had my first suicide attempt at age 16 years old and was quickly yanked out of the hospital by mother who undoubtedly knew that I was just "putting on an act". I had explosive rages at friends, family and even strangers. My first "tantrums" as my mother called them begin at age 1. I would have times where I would dissociate during a rage when I was of school age only to be told in the office that I hit my best friend for no reason. After time my rages were only directed at strangers and my family. The consequences of anyone knowing that the pretty, talented, rich girl wasn't perfect were to steep. My mother made sure of that. I have had only a few major depressive episodes and I have had only one more suicide attempt in adulthood. I have been on ant-depressants for 5 years for help with depression but it has not helped with my intense mood swings in my interpersonal relationships. I consider myself now a low-functioning Borderline because I have not worked a steady job in about 4 years and I begin to self-mutilate last year. I really didn't think that picking at my skin with pins and tweezers until I had gapping holes all over my body including my face was anything but a nervous habit because of the stress of being in a relationship with a Borderline and being diagnosed with melanoma last January. 

I could go on and on but I am afraid someone out there might think I am narcissistic, too. (Just a little humor for such a serious subject to lighten things up a bit.)

I have been coming to these sites for quite sometime and I feel now that because of psychotherapy and medication, I am well on the road to recovery. I can shed some light on the confusion of this disorder, both having it and living with someone who has been diagnosed with it, too. I have found that during my road to recovery that knowledge is power and trying to get a full understanding of how this disorder affects you and your loved ones and accepting that you have BPD traits is the first step to wellness. I am fully aware the different faces this disorder has and I understand that no two Borderlines are alike. I also can attest that though the traits are different, we all have a few core similarities where this disorder thrives. I know that being able to talk to someone who has been where you are and who validates how you feel can be a life saver so to speak. I still long for that familiarity of knowing that I am not alone in this quest for "normalcy" and I feel that this might be a way to continue to help myself and as a way to reach out and help someone else. 

I will attach a picture so that those who are curious to know what a person with BPD looks like or just because they could put a face with who they are sharing their deepest feelings and thought with. 

My email is: DD1032@aol.com