My name is melancholy and I am a 23 year old Female. 

In December of 2003 I was diagnosed with Bipolar and BPD. I'm currently taking medication to treat Bipolar, though only doing talk therapy for BPD.

No one knew what BPD was. My parents thought it meant the same as Multiple Personality Disorder - then again, they didn't understand Bipolar either.

"Get over it" everyone said. I couldn't. I didn't know there was anything to "get over". I just thought perhaps I was too analytical and sensitive - though cold and bitter at the same time.

I have two basic emotions: mad and madder. I don't deal well with emotional pain, which lead me to self abuse. Starting at age 8 I was using razorblades to cut my hands, and when the scabs were too thick to cut I'd start on my arms. That manifested into "flogging" myself with a belt - and finally dissociation. I find myself staring into the mirror for hours until I don't seem to recognize myself anymore.

Talk therapy has done a little to help with trust issues, though I'm still leery about talking to psychologists and psychiatrists for fear of them telling me I'm abnormal. Medicinal treatment is all that has helped my explosions of anger, but I still have no sense of "self". 

My email is: miss_melancholy@sbcglobal.net