My name is Cindy and I am a 50 year old female.

What can I say about this debilitating illness that has been with me most of my life, since I was a teenager? I have seen a number of therapist and psychiatrist through out my years! Presently, I have stuck it out with this one female therapist that lets me simply be me. She is also teaching me about things, like black and white thinking and trying to help me see the grey area. I don’t like the grey area, as I find it boring. In my younger years I really liked white, and the high I’d get from it. Of course the black was to low. Yes, I’ve always felt the feelings of abandonment and the emptiness and boredom. Oh, and interpersonal relationships, oh aren’t they just great! I have had many, and still am having trouble with connecting and I was wondering if anyone else did, too?

The rage, yes I have had my share of them, also. My identity I’m still struggling with that, although I am a female it’s just that I don’t feel good enough. I have felt paranoid, and really never knew that was what I was feeling.

My family has been thru a lot with me. I have also been married to a bi-polar, only I didn’t know he was one until after we were married, and by then we had a little girl. But my daughter thank goodness grew up and is married and has a career as a teacher. I am very thankful to my higher power, for that. I am on five different medications.

My email is: cynthialr1@netzero.net